his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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