Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
