I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
