I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
