u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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