I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
