i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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