and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
