they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
