I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
