I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
