They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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