i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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