i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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