Quick, to the slutcave!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
