I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
