you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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