Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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