he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you didnt know i had herpes?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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