He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
