Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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