from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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