hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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