Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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