question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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