Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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