I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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