he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
