the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I only lived at night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize