Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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