he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
