Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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