bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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