if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
