lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
