for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
