I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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