I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
