It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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