Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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