I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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