Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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