Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
