Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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