i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
