some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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