I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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