I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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