Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
