You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
