just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
