i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
