Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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