If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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