Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
