May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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