I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
