I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
