Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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