i need an iv and a liver transplant
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
