Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
