Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
