I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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