I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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