you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
