Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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