I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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