i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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