I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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