Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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